Knowing that often I'd done the wrongdoing with the idea that I didn't feel it was all that wrong, the hardest part to utter in the the apology were actually the "and I promise not to do it again" bit. These words represented the fact that I supposedly recognized that I was mistaken in my judgement of the rule(s), and that I now understood that I needed to act differently in this area going forward. Of course, I didn't always feel that way, but saying those words made it especially difficult when it came time to think again about breaking or not breaking that rule.
Although the grey hairs have caught me, I'm not all that old. However, something that has changed since I was raised is the seeming drop of the "and I promise not to do it again" in the standard apology. I'm not sure how to contact the "Standard Apology Governance Board" to confer on the current accepted apology, but I can say that in my day to day, I don't hear it anymore.
So, why does it matter?
Seemingly it wouldn't. But I think I've found a few places that you, lovely reader, might also think it would.
1. Government officials. Don't we all want those government clowns to really mean it when they've taken kickbacks from lobbyists or switched their stance on an issue completely after being elected? The only opportunity we have to correct this is with a boot from office after the elected term.
2. Spoiled brats. I'm guessing that each time a kid utters a mumbled "sorry" and nothing else, they simply move on, like it was a painless way to get away with something. Almost like enabling the spoiling rather than ending it.
3. Financiers. I love that word. Something about the second syllable rhyming with shears, and that representing what they do to my account (take an exorbitant cut). All these Bernie Madoff types that simply say "I'm sorry...
4. Clergy. I'll leave this one largely alone, save for the fact that the Catholic Church did point out that the conduct was wrong, and therefore, it can be interpreted as a "and we won't do it again"
5. Companies.
Defective product that turned your hair green? "Sorry, that's not what we hoped would happen"
Brakes fail without a backup? "Sorry about that."
Dog toy specifically marketed as "extra tough for large dogs" that comes apart within 46 seconds of dog play? "we aren't responsible for it's durability in all situations".
In all situations, we've become such a disposal product society that warranties and product backing are virtually unnecessary, let alone the fact that marketing and product/service reality have diverged entirely.
6. The Parker Brothers game Sorry! There is no mention of "and I'll not do it again" in this far more fun than you might guess game. Perhaps I'll call one of the Parker chaps and talk it over. :)
I'm guessing you can think of a few more instances where a truly contrite response would be appreciated. The point is that it's not just about rote rehearsal of the full apology. It's about the impact on societal norms that dropping the "and I won't do it again" has on our lives. The collective cultural ethic is directly impacted each time that the slap on the wrist gets lighter.
I put forward the notion that a move back to a true sorry would re-instill the personal responsibility and ambition to be a better person that once propped up the United States to be the hands down world leader. For decades, this country had a collective spirit personified most recently in "the greatest generation" that generally didn't use the phrase "who cares?" and truly made things right when wrong.
I would hope that all of this would enable our culture to inflict less pain on one another, be nicer to one another, and respect each other more. Those three items would have an amazing impact on the US as well as the world. But perhaps I've put too much stock in those six simple words "and I won't do it again."
I'm sorry if this blog came across as a cranky old codger's. I promise not to do it again. Happy New Year!
