Paring Back Swearing

Swearing's so yesterday. And perhaps it's uncouth/uncivilized/unwise as well. At least that's what my 5th grade Sunday School teacher told me after I inadvertently dropped a S bomb in class. Maybe it was my rebellious 11 year old nature that kept me from taking in the teacher's wisdom.

I read an article recently based loosely on the theory that swearing's good for a person...the premise being swearing allows one to expel some of the frustration/pain/etc - the cause for the swearing. After swearing, we feel some relief or closure.

So, all this being known, I think I've come up with a solution that fits all - a new way to both get something off our proverbial chest while also not offending or making ourselves come across as crass.

Admittedly, I didn't come up with this on my own - I was helped through overhearing some of the awesome phrases people use when they want to swear but don't:

Shut the front door! (woman who cuts my hair)
Shut the EFF up! (anonymous, in line with any phrase that simplifies the expletive to a single letter)
Fudge!
Freakin!
Flippin!
Friggin!
Cripes! (guy at Trader Joes that dropped his bags)
Crud!
Jiminy Christmas, Jiminy Crickets
Motherdrucker! (myself)
Shiest! (incorrectly known as german for sh!t)
Holy Sheet Rock! (guy at work fighting with the printer)
Son of a Bench! (dad at playground when his kid slammed him in the head while on swingset)

Ok...back to the idea of mine. Hopefully as you read the above list, you smiled a little bit, and that's exactly the point. Using these phrases (and some of your own invention) in lieu of their more offending, less humorous cousins will allow you to get it off your chest, but immediately thereafter - laugh. And both of those things should put you in a state of mind that keeps you needing to say them again anytime too soon.